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Johnson & Johnson Recalls

October 21, 2010 1 comment

Johnson & Johnson has announced a recall on nearly all of their products. All of the products were manufactured between May 2010 and June 2010. You can check your product’s label by seeing either MAY2010TECH or JUN2010TECH.
The following products under the recall are:

1. BAND-AID 100 Count Adhesive Bandages for having lack of adhesiveness. Bandages that do not stick can expose areas that can lead to bacterial infections.
2. All Listerine Products for having too much concentration of the alcohol active ingredient. Too much concentration can be harmful to the body with hangovers lasting for two days. Also, brain damage can be life-threatening.
3. All Sudafed Products for having too much of the active ingredient Pseudoephedrine HCl. This ingredient can be used to produce methamphetamine.
4. Splenda Individual Packets for containing real sugar.
5. All Visine products for having a saline eye solution.
6. Nicorette chewing gum for not having enough active ingredient Nicotine causing smokers to crave tobacco products.

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Man avoids pricey airfare to Hawaii

October 16, 2010 1 comment

A man was seen on U.S. 101 (Ventura Freeway) trying to hitch a ride to Hawaii. A family going to Ventura from Los Angeles for a 6 hour stay returned home to Los Angeles and still saw the man on the highway.

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Phamily News Update

October 11, 2010 1 comment

Alright, so I was trying to release posts every other Wednesday. But I’ve noticed there has been a huge viewership surge. From now on, blog posts will be released on a RANDOM BASIS. You can check back to this page at (http://adf.ly/8nJa) or follow my Twitter Account (@phaml).

Thanks loyal readers.

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United/Continental Airline Merger

October 3, 2010 1 comment

It’s official! United shareholders have approved the acquisition of Continental.

We all know that some mergers are just plain messy. With airlines adding all these ridiculous fees, I’d thought I’d help them create more of them…

1. In the UNLIKELY event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card…
2. $100 on-time departure fee…$25 delay complaint fee. An additional fee of $2 for a fake reason and $10 for the real reason.
3. $50 to use Jetway or $20 to use roll-away stairs to enter/exit the aircraft. No charge to use rope ladder alternative
4. $9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you you get up from your seat; $3 additional for looking up at the bin after you bump into it
5. $2 for low A/C…$3 for high A/C… No charge to use your partner’s A/C
6. $5 to use reading light, an additional $3 if you accidentally page the flight attendant.
7. $4 to use the lavatory, $5 to lock the door…an additional $1 to flush the toilet, $.50 for each section of toilet paper you use. No charge to use your hand. $2 to wash your hands with water, $1 to use the soap….and $4 if you want the moist towelette alternative.
8. If you use your airsickness bag as your lavatory, that will be a $15 charge.
9. Tap water is now $5…no charge for recycled lavatory water.
10. $20 to exit the plane

We thank you for choosing our airline and we look forward to serving you again!

Burger King News

October 3, 2010 3 comments

Burger King has announced of new plans to produce a “Sesame Seed Salad.” The SSS will contain only sesame seeds and BK Stacker sauce. Burger King has not decided on portion sizes and price.

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New Direction for HP

September 26, 2010 1 comment

Hewlett-Packard announces their take over of Palm, maker of cellular devices. HP has said that they would expand on Palm’s technologies and would heavily invest in its successes to compete and overtake sales of Apple’s iPhone. Other plans include a new all-in-one cell phone, radio, computer, printer, digital camera, video recording, graphing calculator, scanner, digital picture frame, and microwave that’s small enough to fit in the average pocket. HP officials have called this Project Destiny.

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More Pastor Terry Jones Antics…

September 22, 2010 1 comment

GAINSVILLE, FL- After the cancellation of “Burn a Koran Day,” the pastor is at it again with his “Burn a Gator Day” after seeing wide opposition with his college neighbors. The pastor plans to burn a life-sized doll of a gator on October 2, 2010 when the Gators travel to Alabama and play the Crimson Tide football team. The Pastor was not available for comment.

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