Author Archive


March 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Hello, as you can see I haven’t been posting much. I have been very busy with school and have put this blog on a hiatus for now. Thank you loyal users and expect to see some posts this summer.

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Happy New Year 2011

January 3, 2011 1 comment

It’s a fresh year and we know we all make our New Years Resolutions. Here’s mine.

1. I want to eat less fast food- To do this, I will order 20 McNuggets for $4.99. First, I’ll eat 10 for lunch and then 10 for dinner. For breakfast, I’ll eat the sauce packets that comes with it.

2. I want to watch less TV- To do this, I will purposely miss some episodes and then re-watch them on the computer.

3. I will make sure I re-gift all the crappy gifts I received for Christmas this year.

4. I will drive more safely. When signaling for turns, I will turn on my hazard lights to ensure the driver behind me will slow down out of confusion.

5. To help conserve water, I will only shower once a month.

I wish you all a great new year. Here’s to 2011.

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After Christmas News

December 26, 2010 Leave a comment

Americans have officially announced a parade of crappy presents on the 26th. Participants brought ugly sweaters, watches they don’t need…and well, come to downtown yourself!

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December’s Horoscope

December 6, 2010 Leave a comment

Aries (Mar21-Apr19): You’ve probably just purchased the new Call of Duty Black Ops. I am sorry to say that on December 15th, your hand will cramp.

Taurus (Apr20-May20): Because of all the good deeds you have done, your utility will decrease your bill by $0.01 for every 10,000 gallons of water you use.

Gemini (May21-Jun21): They say when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, just don’t do it in a New York City park because you’ll need a permit for that.

Cancer (Jun22-Jul22): When you crack open the fortune cookie, keep the lottery numbers. Change each of the numbers and increase it by 1. You will now be guaranteed to not win the jackpot.

Leo (Jul23-Aug22): On the Friday of this week, ask your crush to go to the movie theater with you. While watching the movie, near the beginning, go and get some popcorn. Come back after one hour saying you were involved in a robbery and that you were the one who stopped the robber from getting away. She will now marry you.

Virgo (Aug23-Sep22): If you feel like this country is in the hole, make sure you vote for Bill Clinton for one more term.

Libra (Sep23-Oct23): If you feel like this country is not in the hole, Obama 2012

Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21): Usually when you match up Gatorade and Powerade, Gatorade usually wins the battle of the tastes. This time, you buy an expired Gatorade; it loses to the Powerade.

Sagittarius (Nov22-Dec21): I have my utmost trust in you Sagittarians to help a child. Help a child steal something from Walmart.

Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19): Christmas falls during your watch. If you do not lay out milk and cookies for Santa, he will curse you with an ugly sweater.

Aquarius (Jan20-Feb18): Forget Coca-Cola. Forget Pepsi. Forget Store Brand. Buy Jones Soda!
Editor’s Note: Nothing special for you Aquarians, just a paid advertisement.

Pisces (Feb19-Mar20): When you’re feeling kind-of tired, drink a coke. When you’re feeling tired, drink a coffee. When you’re feeling really tired, drink a Red Bull. When you’re feeling absolutely tired, just go back to sleep.

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Where’s the good Chinese Food?

November 8, 2010 4 comments

With Republicans taking control of the House in Tuesday’s 2010 Midterm elections, Americans will look forward to a Republican (and largely bipartisan) push to good Chinese food. Bill #438.1a is listed as, “Creating a United States Foreign Food Inspection” that is separate from current Health Departments, which inspect the cleanliness of restaurants. This new department will taste foreign looking food and will fine or shut down business with bad food. Most fast food restaurants, including Burger King and McDonalds, will be exempt from inspection. Restaurants that face inspection include chinese restaurants and fried chicken from foreign countries like Kentucky. Americans, including Alan Boyd (NYC), said that bad Chinese food is an insult to American culture. ” We like good food and we need to force these crooks, sorry I meant cooks, to make their food good. And yes, we Americans are addicted to Chinese food. It must be that MSG stuff.” Even Asian teens are chipping into Chinese food madness. The author of this ridiculous blog, Long Pham, is outraged for paying so much money for sub-par food. “Do these Asian people freaking have taste buds? Why the hell would I pay $6.95 for food that tastes like it was made before I was born.”

If you have any ideas for future posts, please leave a comment! Remember, you do NOT have to be a member to leave a comment. You do NOT have to enter an e-mail. Just put some random name in the “Name” box

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This Month’s Horoscope

October 30, 2010 Leave a comment

Aries (Mar21-Apr19): After you read this horoscope, make sure you run to the nearest Chinese restaurant and get a fortune cookie. When you read it, make sure you follow the advice religiously. IF it is just a saying…well, how can you tell with that bad English? Ohh snap, one of my friends told me that his fortune cookie said “Orange Juice Pulpness.” Well anyways, if your slip has Chinese on it, you have to yell it out for the next minute or you will die.

Taurus (Apr20-May20): You’re a freaking bull? Who can stand in your path you ask? Gemini is the answer.

Gemini (May21-Jun21): You are always seen among the stars. But today, you won’t be seen at night, you’ll be seen during the day…waking up in Taurus’ bull$#*!

Cancer (Jun22-Jul22): Ok, so you have cancer and you’re associated with crabs. I think that to put something here is overkill.

Leo (Jul23-Aug22): We all know you’re the worst at picking up girls. Can’t you just practice a little bit with your pillow?

Virgo (Aug23-Sep22): Labor Day happens to fall in your category. Why don’t you just get labored you virgin? Oh crap, it’s past the 22nd.


Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21): So Halloween falls during your watch. Too bad it will haunt you because when you go trick-or-treating, some old fat man will throw a rock at you.

Sagittarius (Nov22-Dec21): Buy a car and you get two choices: to buy a Ford Fusion or buy a Toyota Camry? FORD FUSION YOU IDIOT!

Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19): The government is watching. Yes they are watching you, listening, smelling, recording, all the good stuff a government has to do. Please, please, please return that library book.

Aquarius (Jan20-Feb18): You are the best out of these group of losers. Pat yourself on the back.

Pisces (Feb19-Mar20): You are the losers out of these losers of a group. Have fun and just take a large dose of those sleeping pills. No one wants you.

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GEICO and Outback Steakhouse partnership

October 21, 2010 1 comment

The Gecko has announced through his Twitter account (@TheGEICOGecko) a new partnership with Outback Steakhouse restaurants. Outback has stated that it has fired its last announcer amidst millions of accusations that the announcer was not an authentic Australian (though Outback has not denied this). Outback has also announced its relaunched My Outback Rewards, a frequent diner program, taking cues from airlines and hotels with their programs. Not giving out anymore information until the official launch date at November 1, 2010, Outback said that Rewards Members will receive a free basket of fries upon every 15th visit in addition to the points they already receive for every visit. In addition, GEICO customers will receive a 15% discount of their total bill for every 15th visit.

GEICO, on October 15th, has already announced the partnership saying drivers can not only save 15% or more on car insurance, but they can save 15% on a visit to the restaurant. Also, Rewards Members receive a discount of 0.15% off every bill.

1. Rewards Members in Massachusetts are not eligible for the GEICO discount.
2. Rewards Members must be age 13 and up to be eligible for the GEICO discount.
3. GEICO customers must present their last statement or GEICO card and a government issued ID before ordering.
4. During the 1st week of the relaunched My Outback Rewards program, the Gecko will visit Outback Steakhouse restaurants in Oakland, and Jacksonville. The specific restaurant, date, and time will be a surprise. Near the end of Outback Rewards Week, the Gecko will visit all restaurants in Chevy Chase, MD and Tampa, company headquarters for GEICO and Outback respectively.